Writing

is hard

Sorry for the delay in posts, I was trying to finish a draft and then I went on a writing retreat in Wales, with the amazing Mothers Who Write, (run by horse-witch Rebecca Schiller), to also help me finish my draft. When I started on Substack, I really wanted to post weekly, but finding the time for musings and trying to finish a draft at the same time just didn’t prove possible. So, genuinely, thank you so much for being here and being patient, I really appreciate it.

The view from the Mothers Who Write retreat cottage, and yes, Wales is always this beautiful.

I was writing my next middle grade book - my first one, The Christmas Wish-Tastrophe came out just before, yes, Christmas. If you follow me anywhere else you will know, it’s all I banged on about for the entirety of December. (There’s something odd about writing a festive book, because past the 25th, absolutely no one wants you to talk about it, a bit like when my kids make up songs about diarrhoea at dinner time, it’s just not appropriate behaviour.)

It’s Spring, I can only apologise for this much red and green in your eyes.

I find it unbearably hard to write, or rather I did, and now I know that, I have made some drastic changes to my brain and writing set up (desk, I believe the kids are calling it), to make it marginally less impossible, and now I would describe it as - bearable. I am like an extremely well trained dog, one of those that can balance a sausage on its nose - and then will wait for the signal to eat it by it’s lord and saviour/owner. The sausage is all the things I want to do¹ and the looking at my owner is writing. That’s convoluted but what I mean is, I have to be unbelievably strict with myself for anything to actually happen.

I was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago (yes, like all the best people you know) and although I know all my avoidant problems aren’t entirely to do with my neural pathways, I do know that a large amount of the shit I was giving myself about ‘not writing’ has become more balanced since I understood what monster I was fighting. I now no longer scream at my own brain for not sitting down, but I’ve managed to replace my inner voice with calmer language. “You are distracted today. It seems you might need to throw your phone across the room. etc etc”, which is an improvement on “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Anyway, I thought I’d share a few things that have helped me stay focused (for 25 minutes max), in case anyone else’s brains need reminding that this is hard and it’s ok to nudge your brain towards the keyboard. They are fairly obvious things to suggest but, you’d be amazed at the somersaults my brain will do to stay distracted, so hopefully this will be helpful to those as distracted as I can be. Distracted. dissssstracted. dissss. trac-ted. You can see what I mean.

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Noise cancelling headphones

Look at the state of these Bose babies, still going eight years since I did a sponsored read for them.

Can’t recommend these enough, especially for a busy brain. When my brain is ON ONE, I need something to drown out the other thoughts. The only thing that works for me is full immersion in weird twinkly music. I wrote an entire book about grief during the lock down, with a newborn baby and a three year old, and the only reason that happened was these headphones and Octonauts² on BBC iPlayer.

Endel

Hard to really capture an app visually isn’t it?

This is an app you download to phone or laptop that plays nice twinkly music to make you work. I don’t understand it fully, but the wavelength of the music makes you focus? Sure, all I know is when I put on their Deep Work music, I wrote the book about grief in lockdown with a new born baby and a three year old. They’ve now updated with adhd settings, but guess what? My phone won’t update it and I tried to figure out once why it hadn’t, and now I NEVER WILL AGAIN - but I’m sure it’s great. It also has a power nap setting, which lulls you to sleep and then wakes you up slowly, which I can 1000000% recommend for that ten minute eye close before school pick up.

Pricey Candles

I got a Winterfold problem.

Yes, yes all women love candles and hummus and Cyndi Lauper and fisherman sandals and fundamental rights. It’s TRUE. But also, I find lighting one as I sit down sort of makes me think, right ok, I better fucking do this then. Also, if you buy a fancy, expensive one, then you feel bad for not writing whilst it’s burning. I have too many from here but they do all make me feel like maybe it’s worth writing what I’m writing, if the room I’m writing in at least smells nice.

Actually Going To The Library

Photo by Euronewsweek Media on Unsplash

Talking of smelling nice… I can’t work in cafe’s - I’m too interested in eating cake and you can’t type that well and eat cake. I was a member of the London library for a bit which is the most beautiful, heavenly building, but I couldn’t quite justify the cost for my actual visits there, but if you have the pounds and live in London it’s where writers go to top up their souls (like that pool in Cocoon). Instead, I signed up to my local library and also the British library, which are both free. Just going somewhere where everyone is writing really helps with my distraction levels. Sure, my local one had a man that smelt so badly of piss, someone complained to the security guard, and yes, one time the young boy next to me fell asleep and snored so loudly it reached through the noise cancelling headphones, but I had some good stories for when I got back from the library.

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Anyway, look, my point is, it’s really HARD. I genuinely don’t know a writer that doesn’t struggle with starting, or sitting down, or dealing with life distractions, but when it works and you can quiet your brain down it’s a marvellous, soul-quenching thing. Don’t be afraid to find what works for you, try different places, teas, cacao, smells, bluetooth keyboards until it feels right, especially if you are of the ND persuasion there’s nothing wrong with needing 15000000 mattresses to not feel the pea of self doubt.

1. OI OI! Sorry, that sounded too smutty and I have a lack of impulse control at calling these things out. Maybe it’s adhd, maybe she watched too much Carry On as a teenager?

2. Second mention for Octonauts on this substack. Do I turn this into a deep dive on the full crew, including above and beyond? The truth behind the Gup E? OCTO REPORT OCTO REPORT!

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